Grief Returns at New Ages

A child who loses a parent does not just grieve once.

A 2026 report from the National Association for Children of the Bereaved and Grieving Families, titled 'Life After New Bereaved Children and Their Families,' says that kids often feel double the pain at certain ages.

The report notes that 1 in 81 children in the United States has experienced a parental death by the time they reach adulthood.

It also states that 22.6 percent of children in the U.S. have lost a parent or caregiver by age 18.

The data shows that grief is not a one time event.

Children do not process the loss all at once.

They often experience the pain in stages as they grow.

A mother in the report describes her own experience with her two daughters.

Her first husband was diagnosed with cancer while she was pregnant with their second child.

He died when their daughters were 9 months old and 4 years old.

People told her that children are resilient and that the girls would be fine because they were so young.

She tried to believe them, but something felt wrong to her at the time. She wondered how such young people could handle such a life changing loss so well. She did not realize that grief is about the future as much as the past. Her children regrieved their father at each new stage of development. Her oldest daughter had a difficult adolescence because she was finally grieving more fully. It was hard for the girls to grieve even with good schools, friends, and money to support them. However, because they had proper grief support, they were able to cope with that grief effectively. The report says that most children who are 12 to 15 years old have not yet fully understood what happened. They may feel less sadness at first, but that changes as they get older. A 16 year old child may feel the loss deeply for the first time. A 19 year old may feel it again. The report says that children need to be allowed to grieve at every age. It is not just for the young. It is for the developing. The report says that children can grieve in many ways. They may act out, withdraw, or become quiet. They may have trouble in school or with friends. They may not talk about it. They may not want to. The report says that adults need to know that children are not just resilient. They are developing. They need support. They need to be allowed to feel. They need to be heard. They need to be seen. They need to know that they are not alone. They need to know that it is okay to be sad. They need to know that it is okay to be angry. They need to know that it is okay to be confused. They need to know that it is okay to be scared. They need to know that they are not broken. They need to know that they are not weak. They need to know that they are not the only one. They need to know that they are loved. They need to know that they are safe. They need to know that they are okay. They need to know that they can be themselves. They need to know that they can be sad. They need to know that they can be happy. They need to know that they can be both. They need to know that they can be all of it. They need to know that they are whole.